Well, I was rung up about 8pm last night -the job was offered to someone else. It was a bit of a bizarre phone conversation. It began with my being told "I'm sorry ..." [which told me all I needed to know about the result in barebones terms] and went on in commiseratory tones while I was probably responding in a rather unexpected -not sounding very disappointed- way. What I felt first was relief -I recognised that I didn't really want that post and to have been offered it would have been somewhat troubling. So I was trying to convey that I welcomed the clarity and the fact that it meant that I didn't have to decide whether I should be refusing after all. To be fair I had tried to make it hard for them to appoint me, some of it subconsciously. My wife and I both had this feeling that really this wasn't the post for me but our need to provide house and home for our kids means that we don't quite trust our own feelings on this, particulary as after July 31st we don't have anything to fall back on; we're in a rather shaky position at the moment.
The interesting thing for me is learning to note that my feelings are often conveying to me important information -even if it takes time to work out what it is. It's daft really; I'm quite adept at working with people in a spiritual direction capacity or a life coaching framework and encouraging them to identify and work with their feelings in such times, when it comes to myself ... on the other hand most of my 'clients' can work things out for themselves but my role is to make it a darn sight easier and to help them to process their thoughts and feelings more quickly. It's the sharing that does it [at least for MBTI E's].
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