Email disclaimers deserve this

With thanks to Ben Myers, Faith and Theology: Pet hate #162: quasi-legal email disclaimers. I've been told we legally have to put a disclaimer at the bottom of college emails. I hate doing so: mostly they are longer than the message and I consider that they state the bleedingly obvious -surely it's obvious that a message has intended recipients and that passing it on without permission is a potentially a breach of 'contract' and that it would be polite to point out if something has gone wrong with that and that we aren't going to maliciously pass on malware which is likely to corrupt our own systems. No doubt someone is going to tell me that it pays to be explicit. Anyhow, Ben Myer's version of these is a very tempting substitute:
"The message that you have just read might possibly be legally privileged and/or confidential and is intended only for the use of those to whom it is intended. We hope and insist that no recipient will ever forward, print, copy, scan, read aloud, film, choreograph, broadcast via radio or other media, podcast, vodcast, tweet, blog, translate into foreign languages, transcribe in crayon, versify in iambic pentameter, or otherwise reproduce this message in any manner that would allow any of the message to be viewed by any individual not originally intended as an intended recipient. If you are not the intended recipient, STOP IN THE NAME OF THE LAW. We beseech you in the name of the law: please don't ever copy, forward, disclose, speak of, print, report, joke about, or otherwise use this message or any part of it in any way whatsoever, never ever. If you received this e-mail by mistake, please read this disclaimer IMMEDIATELY, then advise the sender immediately, then delete this message, then empty the trash on your computer, then YOU MUST also use an appropriate software program to permanently erase all traces of the file from your computer's hard drive (and from any other hard drive or portable storage device where the information may be stored). Afterwards, it is strictly prohibited ever to mention, discuss, think of, or remember any of the contents of this message. If you do so, YOU MAY BE LIABLE for litigation or prosecution or indefinite detainment. If you were the intended recipient of this e-mail, you have entered into a BINDING CONTRACT with the sender, allowing you to be imprisoned, interrogated, tortured, exiled, lobotomised, forced to read Dan Brown, deprived of all human rights, and other possible measures that may be introduced from time to time. Thank you."

One of my colleagues has come up with a short version (which may not pass muster as a legal disclaimer) and which manages also to be an advert for Macs (clue: it's to do with which kind of system most virii are written for and I should point out that it is an observation that works for linux too).